Breaking this stereotype will make your online dating match much more likely to respond
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It's Metafilter's 20th anniversary! To how to block all dating sites, scan some cats or help fund Mefi! On OKCupid; I'm male. I don't get many responses and I understand that some women get a the girl im dating acts hot and cold of unsolicited msgs. So, someone awesome responded and I sent a message back later the same day.
Just checked: yikes, only a bit over an hour. So a should I have waited longer? The three day rule still sort of existsfor some people, anyway. I guess I could use the time to compose a draft response oh please don't do this -- it will be apparent, and it will probably be too long. You don't even know what you might be responding to. Chill out, go for a walk. Get away from your computer.
Don't bring your smartphone. Awesome person either will or will not respond, it's out of your hands now. Do not start dating someone who already has a kid potential relationship with game-playing unless you want a relationship based on game-playing.
She's probably not going to respond or maybe she's a quick-checker and does her responding at some less hurried timebut that's not because you replied right away. You're thinking way too much about this. If you're the sort who camps in front of the PC or is always on the smartphone, go ahead and write back right away if you want.
If you usually let things free dating usa men old men, do that. She hasn't written back. That might be because she has a ton of messages, she's on a great date, or because she'll write back tomorrow. Yes, it could also be because she thinks you're desperate, but maybe The One will be charmed with your instant attention.
Data point: I usually read messages right away. I usually don't respond until after I've thought about it a little, and that bit of procrastination means sometimes it might take a couple days for me to get around to it. The timing of my response isn't really related to the timing of the other person's caveat: I try to respond to every message I get, and I have the impression that is not the norm.
Don't stress out too much about it. Also, what Lyn Never said. If someone writes to me and is interesting, I usually take about a day to respond. I will look at the person's profile and then think of a thoughtful reply, especially in the first message. I will generally decrease the time between messages as time goes on.
If I write someone first, I usually take things at the responder's pace. If it took 2 days for the guy to respond to me, I will wait at least a day to write to him. I don't want what is the number one free dating site overwhelm people. I sometimes feel overwhelmed when people respond too quickly. It's a tricky situation and I don't know all the correct answers.
I had even toyed with the idea of asking a similar question to yours to get a general consensus of whether I'm following online dating etiquette. Also, I've had women on okcupid reply back to me months after my last message. Don't sweat it, there are more of them out there. You're overthinking the problem.
She'll reply sometime later if she wants to, and she already responded to you once so clearly she's not completely uninterested. Perhaps she saw the new message notification, went to read it, and is planning to reply later? That's pretty common I would imagine. Treat it like you would any other type of communication. Replying 30 seconds later looks desperate, but anywhere in the later that day to the few days later range is just fine until you know each better. I get email notice that I have new okc messages and will sometimes use the mobile site to read a new message.
OKC shows that I've logged on, but I never write responses from my phone - that happens on the weekend when I can log into my home computer. But I want to check the inbox in case a date cancelled, etc. Please don't write a response to a message you haven't seen yet. Otherwise, everything you're saying sounds good. Hopefully you feel better now you've got a load of near-instant askme responses.
But I wouldn't worry about this one message. Because, you know, it's You happened to be by the computer, so you responded promptly. It would be silly to hold this against you. If I had to make up a rule, I'd say: respond hours after getting a message.
Subtext: you're not so insanely busy that you have no time to attend to your personal life, but you're also not that guy who always responds right away. As a disclaimer, this is just my speculation based on my experience as a straight man who uses OKCupid. Not being a woman, I obviously could be wrong about how women perceive these things. Straight women generally have more luxury than straight men to filter people out based on trivial factors, so, as you know, one can't assume that straight-male thinking is the same as straight-female thinking when it comes to online dating.
But really, I just respond when I get a chance. I assume people realize that there are random fluctuations with this kind of thing. As long as I respond within 24 hours, I don't worry about it. If I find myself taking days to respond to someone's message, I take it as a sign that I'm not actually that interested. B Maybe. C As long as you feel like it. Look, you don't want to send off a bad email because you wrote it quickly and sent it without thinking. But waiting extra time just to not seem too eager or available or whatever is absurd.
No one who's interested in you is going to stop and say "crap, morganw is interested in me and wrote back too soon, fuck that guy," and certainly no one you want to date is going to have that reaction. Wilson at PM on April 1, [ 1 favorite ]. I really don't think that appropriate response time is tied to gender so much as it's tied to personality.
So framing this as "will women think this" or "men think that" is misleading. Some people like to reply to things right away, as soon as they see them.
They are not the type to overthink and ponder perfect messages. They're likely to be the type to agree to meeting up as soon as possible, perhaps even that same day. There's likely a variable of interest that factors in too--if they like your profile, they'll be more likely to respond quickly. This is the kind of dater I am when I'm on OkCupid.
Some people don't like to appear too eager and prefer to take time to compose a thoughtful message that digs deeper in to someone's psyche. These are the people who are likely to have more extensive contact before meeting someone and will plan things out far in advance. If someone appeals to them, they may spend even more time planning out their response.
Obviously, there are types in between these two ends of the spectrum. And when people match in their styles, communication is easy and trying to mindread the other person is minimized.
When there's a mismatch, there can be a lot of confusion and angst on both ends. In the end, do what you're comfortable doing. If the other person responds well to it, great! If not, then who knows, it might be an indicator that there were fundamental differences in communication there to begin with, and you just saved yourself the time and trouble of finding that out some other way.
If you did this 4 times in a row, I might think it was a little eager. I just figured you happened to be online when you get the message. Don't over think it. I know we all do it, but I constantly forget to respond for several days or just can't think of anything clever to say or am too tired to write any kind of vaguely interesting reply.
It doesn't mean I'm not interested. Some people log into dating website once a week or less. Especially on a free site like OKcupid where you have nothing to lose by being a very casual user.
If you had waited longer and she hadn't responded by now, you'd be asking us if you waited too long. There's no way to know what she's thinking. Writing back within the hour is not gross. Formulating a well-thought-out response is not gross. Someone wandering away after just one interaction for whatever reason is unfortunately normal, online and in real life.
One more piece of advice: avoid checking her profile to see whether she's logged on. A few reasons: 1.
You send a message or two, and wait for boxer response—but the response might never come. Dating lucky for you, we beijing at taylor swift dating newsletters communication time in which there are plenty of tools that check errors and improve how we come across rebellion our writing. That said, you really ought to re-familiarize 1900 with some common errors that might make someone think twice about responding to your message. Internet apps are not for standing on ceremony, particularly if you match with someone on an app like Tinder. Message them straight away. With so much competition, people who do not respond quickly get overlooked or forgotten. If someone messages you first, try to message her back as soon as you can. So great, in fact, that she expresses an interest in meeting up with you. Guess what? Luckily, apps like OkCupid allow you to keep track of people you like. No thank you, sir. Again: no thank you, sir! With a few exceptions, people use a dating app with the intention of eventually meeting up with someone in real life.
A New Watchlist
I love the part of dating when you both have text message fever. At first, you try and play it a little cool, but then, before you know it, you're texting all day and sometimes all night long. It's flirty, it's fun, it's exciting. When the texting suddenly goes cold, and you're left wondering if you've said something wrong or if you're just being paranoid and they got really busy. You're not a mind reader, but you'd really like some definitive signals you can spot from texting that let you know if this is a temporary blip, or if they're just not into you.
It turns out double texting works on dating apps
Erin 1 tries to be honest with her boyfriend of a little over a year about everything except for one thing: He huntsville dating sites know he has his read receipts on, and she's certainly not about to tell him. Every time she texts him, her iPhone tells her that her message has been delivered, and then a little later or sometimes a lot later it alerts her that he's read it. She texted him one night, "How was dinner? Early in their relationship, she questioned whether he even liked her all that much. She's a texter. Her phone is usually nearby, and she always texts back, sometimes immediately. But he wasn't communicating. Was he just stuck in meetings?
It's Metafilter's 20th anniversary! To celebrate, scan some cats or help fund Mefi! On OKCupid; I'm male. I don't get many responses and I understand that some women get a lot of unsolicited msgs. So, someone awesome responded and I sent a message back later the same day. Just checked: yikes, only a bit over an hour.